–I’d like to start today’s Post of Pairs with a brief examination of truly clever headlines vs. cheesy headlines.

A truly clever headline makes a metaphorical play on words that loosely alludes to a similar, if unconnected, meme.  Like this one.  That’s clever.  And great.

A cheesy headline, on the other hand, tries to do the same but ends up beating us over the head with the obviousness of the allusion. Take this one, for example.

Cheesy (ahem) and awful.

–Continuing the theme of diametric opposition…here we have cool science

My God...it's full of stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…and terrible science.

Third, the women themselves, rather than an independent party, judged their own tubercle characteristics based on eyeballing their own lips.

–Oh, ok. We wouldn’t want independent, reliable data anyway. Just go ahead and publish.

–Now for a pair of drug-relates stories:

Firstly–did The Bard partake?

A South African anthropologist has asked permission to open the graves of William Shakespeare and his family to determine, among other things, what killed the Bard and whether his poems and plays may have been composed under the influence of marijuana.

–Cry Havoc  !  And let slip the dogs of…of…something.

Secondly–yet another reason not to do cocaine.

According to an April 2011 report by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, 82 percent of street cocaine is laced with the veterinary drug levamisole, which is used to deworm cattle, pigs and sheep.

Levamisole can also rot the skin off noses, ears and cheeks, doctors says. Multiple cases of rotted flesh have already been reported.

–And a final pair for today, a duo of links on pro football performance analysis:

There’s this one, which I don’t fully understand nor endorse just yet, but seems pretty reliable…

Passer Rating Differential is the most important stat in football. It’s the one indicator virtually guaranteed to separate winners from losers and champs from chumps.

If your team dominates this indicator, it dominates on the field. If your team’s bad in this indicator, it’s bad on the field.

–Apparently the forward pass is pretty important.

And this one from Football Outsiders, which I understand and would endorse…if the piece were properly finished.  Still a solid effort, though.

There were 754 second-and-short plays that met our criteria last year. Of those plays, 501 were runs, not counting scrambles. That means teams ran 67 percent of the time, and that’s without factoring in the more conservative strategies you find in the red zone. Forget gambling — teams play it safer on second-and-short than they do in almost any other down-distance situation.

–Author Mike Tanier, who never explained the impact of being aggressive on 2nd & short in an otherwise solid piece.